Calvin at Camp: Edmerican Idiots
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: In honour of Election day. Fed up with the USA, Eddy makes his own country of Edmerica and Calvin gets jealous and they have a big war sort of. Rated for cartoon death and weapons of Mass Destruction.


Well Bringing Down the Mouse has been put on an indifferent cancellation. So now I present another Calvin at Camp story!

* * *

It was another morning at camp. Calvin and Hobbes were walking towards a bizarre fence that surrounded of good half of the camp.

Calvin: What do you think it is?  
Hobbes: Redecorating comity perhaps.

Calvin: Well there's only one way to find out.

The spiky haired six-year old and his tiger pal slipped under the fence to see a sight fit for weirdness. "Wow" was all they could manage. It looked like the camp had been turned into a bad portrait of Washington D.C. Calvin and Hobbes were broken form their trance when a cardboard limo pulled by Ed came up to them. It seemed as if someone was trying to role the fake window down to no avail when finally it was merely torn off.

Eddy: HEY! This is a private country, only citizens of Edmerica are allowed.

Calvin: Huh?

Double D then popped his head out of the window.

Edd: You see Calvin, Hobbes, Eddy is…

Eddy: I'm fed up with all the dumb rules this country has! So I made my own.

Hobbes: That is honestly the stupidest thing you've ever done Eddy.

Ed: No way. Eddy's the man with the plan!

Edd: Indeed. So you two would you like to become citizens of Edmerica?  
Eddy: Hey, hey, hey! I'm the only one who decides that kind of stuff. We'll take you guys on the grand tour, only 25 cents.

Calvin: I'm not sure. Can I be president?

Eddy: I'm the president around here. Double D's the vice president and Ed's the horse.

Ed: Caw, Caw. Cock-a-doodle-do! I am a pony, fell my pretty main.

Calvin: Well if I can't be president then go day to you sir!

Eddy: Well if you be can't be here because you can't be president because I'm president then good day to _you_ sir!

Ed: I have mole on my butt that looks like Bowser Koopa eating sausage over a roaring fire.

Edd: Thank you for sharing that with us Ed.

Calvin stormed out of Edmerica furious over Eddy.

Calvin: Why can't I be president! I'm so much better for the job!

Hobbes: Well you could always uhh, forget this ever happened and give me more tuna for dinner each night.

Calvin: How does that help our current situation?

Hobbes: It helps my situation.

Calvin: I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR NEEDS! Sorry.

By now they had made into the large center playroom thingy place. Calvin began to grab various objects to form a sort of fence.

Hobbes: What are you doing?

Calvin: If I can't be president of Edmerica then I'll be king of Calvinanda. Get it, Canada/Calvinada.

Hobbes: And I though today couldn't get any stupider.

Soon Calvinada had taken roughly the remaining 2/3 of the camp. General Calvin stood before his army, in other words Hobbes.

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Back in Edmerica Eddy sat atop his throne ("Of course presidents have thrones sock head.) The chair in question was situated on top of Mount Edmore. Mount Edmore was constructed from the not so precious garbage of the exotic and fare away land of Cul-de-Sacia. To picture this in your head just think of Mount Rushmore with the Ed's heads on it. A chair taken from Jimmy's tea set furniture and Linus's blanket made it comfy. Plank had been converted into a footstool on that made up one of the Eddy face's hairs. Using a pair of Binoculars the con artist could see over the entire camp. Eddy was most interested in what was now Calvinada.

Eddy: So, that little squirt thinks he can make _his_ own country.

Edd: It's a free country Eddy.

Ed: My brain is itchy.

Eddy: That was random. How'd you guys even get up here?

Edd: I though we agreed not to mention the plot holes Eddy.

Eddy: Who cares? It's time to teach Calvin and Hobbes a lesson in Politics.

Edd: Wow _Politics_ I never knew your vocabulary was so advanced Eddy.

Ed: Just like my mom!

Eddy: Well we need to teach him lesson and here's how. Were gonna build us a weapon of mass destruction and land it smack dab in Calvinada.

Edd: And just how do we do that?

Eddy: Who said we? _You're_ the one to build it.

Ed: Look both ways before crossing the street Double D!

Edd: I wouldn't build you two something so destructive in a million eons Eddy.

Eddy: Are sure?

Jason and Marcus who were they only citizens of Edmerica showed up. Soon this set off a song.

Eddy, Ed, Jason, and Marcus: **_Oh would you please Double D?_**

_**Make us a weapon so cool we'll drool! Will you Double D?**_

Eddy: **_Hey! Please just make us a weapon now_**

Jason: **_Double D _**

**_Don't you see!_**

Marcus: **_You could fulfill our greatest fantasy!_**

Eddy: **_Oh, come! _**

**_Don't ya see the weapon in your mind's eye!_**

Marcus: **_Make plans!_**

Jason: **_Eat some Tums!_**

Ed: **_Ring bells! Bang the drums!_**

All four: **_What a great weapon you could make Oh my!_**

_**Double D a member is he of Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**Was distressed 'cause he weighed less than seventy**_

_**He's really been working out, so hopefully no one doubts**_

_**He's got a lot of weights, 'least fifty pounds**_

Eddy: **_Double D_**

_**Amazing is he**_

_**And we all know it**_

**_Smart as ten genius men, definitely!_**

Jason: **_He makes robots everyday_**

Marcus: **_And they're amazing I say_**

Ed: **_Who is great all of the way?_**

All Four: **_Why, Double D_**

Jason: **_You've got millions of awesome inventions_**

Eddy: **_And a cactus_**

Ed: **_And a stinky hat_**

Marcus: **_And how we'd thank you is something to mention_**

Eddy: **_If you just give us a weapon that could give us detention_**

Marcus: **_And I bet you shan't_**

All Four: **_Ever see something else like that_**

(The Kanker Sisters pop out of nowhere)

Marie: **_Double D! Handsome is he, and we all know it_**

_**Has nice shoes, could never lose**_

_**Playing hockey**_

_**Well, we'll all scramble about**_

_**He's a big target and stout **_

_**But we'll catch him an make out with Double D**_

(Sung in counterpoint)

Lee and May: **_There's no question that he's quite alluring_**

_**Though his intellect may leave some snoring**_

_**Thankfully, we girls are just so sophisticated**_

_**Of course, when he sees us, he'll go running**_

'_**Cause he finds us a bit less than stunning**_

**_So we gotta tranquilize him first, so he's sedated_**

Eddy:**_ We'd congratulate you all day_**

(Edd: **_This could go so wrong, this could go so wrong_**)

_**And to use it, you could charge a fee **_

_**You've got other stuff that we didn't say**_

All Four: **_You've got that and more but you are sure_**

_**You're much better than you and me, Double D! Double D...**_

All Four: **_Double D_**

_**A member is he of Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**Pardon our greed, but we do need something of ye**_

_**It would be so fine, if you gave us doomsday designs**_

_**With sixty lazers, cannons galore**_

_**With bullets and blasters**_

_**A few bombs and more**_

Ed: **_With violent things, a little bell that rings!_**

All Four: **_That's what we all need, you see..._** (Edd: Alright, Alright! I'll do it!)

_**...Thanks, Double D!**_

Edd got to work but little did any of them know they too were being watched. Back in Calvinada our spiky haired hero, his tiger pal Hobbes, and Calvinada's two citizens: Linus and Johnny were watching.

Calvin: Cheesy musical numbers? Weapons of mass destruction? Jason and Marcus? Edmerica is going down.

Johnny: We're coming buddy!

Linus: Don't worry Johnny, Plank and my blanket will be safely back with us soon enough. Right Charlie?

Calvin: (Notices Charlie Brown is here) Hey! How'd you get here?

Charlie Brown: Linus told me to help.

Johnny: So we're gonna shoot you out of a cannon?  
Charlie Brown: Good grief.

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Somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom… Bower was looking through a crystal ball to spy on the kids.

Bowser: Dang! I was gonna take over that darn camp and make it into Bowserstan! (Grumbles)

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In Edmerica Double D was putting the final touches on Eddy's doomsday weapon.

Edd: You do know I highly disapprove of this Eddy. (Puts a bell that rings on top) (Sigh) Done.

Jason and Marcus: COOL!

Edd: I spent paragraphs laboring over this and all you can say is cool?

Ed: Well I can say mustard.

Eddy: Sock head, here's the reward I promised you in the musical number. (Hands Double D a present)

Edd: Oh Eddy I don't know what to say. THANK YOU! (Grabs Eddy, Jason, Marcus, and Ed in a group hug)

Ed: Open it! My spleen can't take the excitement.

Edd: Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Opens box) NOTHING!

Eddy: No. The box is your present.

Edd: (Angry) YOU TRICKED ME! You lying, rotten, scoundrels!

Jason: Duh.

Ed: Marshmallows give me gas.

Edd: Oh you've done terrible things before but this takes the cake Eddy! I'm fed up with this! (Accidentally bangs hand on the "self-destruct" button on the weapon.) Oh my.

Ed: Are we gonna die?

**BOOM!**

* * *

And so ends the Calvin at Camp election day special. The "Double D" song was from AladdEd with parts from Blue Paratroopa's canned Doomsday episode and some written by me to create a song. Originally Bowser was going to have a bigger role and it was going to be called "Proud to be an Edmerican" but I though "Edmerican Idiots" sounded better. Also this is the longest Calvin at Camp story I have ever written. And the first to feature Charlie Brown, any mention of the Mushroom Kingdom, Johnny, Linus's first speaking role and the Kanker Sisters. 


End file.
